The Truth Be Told- Along with One-Sided Deafness Comes a Few Perks...Part XIV

Any kind of social engagement that includes more than a “party of one” leaves my head spinning. The reason is because with one-sided deafness not only are you unable to localize sound, but sound lacks dimension as well. What this means is that the words spoken by a couple privately conversing at the next table are perceived to be just as loud as the person speaking right next to you. The competing noises actually drown out one another and if you were to close your eyes, it would be utterly impossible to detect which is the sound closest in proximity.

This could also be interpreted as a "gift" as well because I end up unwittingly eaves-dropping on other people’s conversations. It is not my intention and I would much rather focus on the person to whom I want to listen, but since it all sounds so up close and personal, I have no option! Perhaps I have a future career in detective work.

The best is when my children all talk to me at once. I end up gesturing to them like a New York City deli butcher on an early Friday afternoon trying to put some order to the lunchtime blitz. “You, first; one second, hey wait; no wait until you are called.” With my finger pointed, I proceed to direct, “Go ahead, you’re up, talk fast because he is waiting….quiet; wait your turn; no; you are already finished, next!” Its fun, kind of like being a traffic cop signalling everybody and attempting to run the entire show with a few basic hand motions.

Truth be told that when they do bombard me all at once, all sounds blend together and I understand nothing. I just have to tune out or I’ll bring a migraine upon myself straining so hard to decipher words from the jumbled onslaught of noise. Of course they don´t (want to) get it and continue hammering away as my eyes begin to glaze over.

There are some benefits to this “condition” however, and the first one being that I can sleep on my good ear and drown out all nighttime activity in my home. This could be dangerous when my husband is travelling as I can sleep right through a full blown nightmare crying episode. For the record, just in case you are a Department of Children and Families employee, when my spouse is away, I do sleep on the dead ear in an effort to be a "responsible mother who willingly surrenders all her peaceful slumber for the well-being of her children."

Another bonus is that when I am on the phone and because my hearing ear is completely covered physically, I could sit smack dab in the middle of my kitchen during the “witching hour” and continue to chat along unaware of all pestering background noises. Good for me, bad for the listener who is tormented by the obnoxious surrounding clatter. This aforementioned “asset” is also potentially dangerous as my burglar or smoke alarm could go off and there I sit, continuing to gossip away, oblivious to all external chaos.

Another advantage to one-sided deafness is that when I simply have no more desire to hear somebody, I shift my body to put them on my left side. When seated with other folk at large tables for family gatherings or other social engagements, whoever is on my left, will inevitably and inadvertently get ignored. If I really do want to talk with that person, I have to make a tremendous effort by turning my head 180 degrees thereby resembling a move out of the movie, The Exorcist.

I do admit for the first time ever, that at times I exploit this “benefit” and outright snub someone if I have no interest in what they are discussing. Afterward, if they appear perturbed, I automatically apologize and claim that I am unable to understand due to my “deficit,” and 10 times out of 10, they buy it and don’t take it personally! In fact, they end up feeling sorry for me. Could you imagine after all that I have confessed somebody feeling pity for my “situation?” Being handicapped sometimes has its perks...

Coping with the Hurdles of One-Sided Deafness...Part XIII

Miracle baby had arrived and although I wanted to name him for my late brother, my religion mandates that when even a good soul passes due to suicide, such as it was in my brother’s case, it takes a solid year for that soul to come to rest and ascend to heaven. Additionally, it is believed that it could be a dangerous proposition and bring bad fortune to a new life granted the same name. Made sense to my husband and I and we opted to go with this prevailing belief on this one.

The child was born completely healthy and normal despite the OB-GYN´s hypothesis that he may be born with withdrawal symptoms due to his long exposure to anesthesia. Ha! This kid could outrun a champion thoroughbred and is so keen that he is the first to notice something as small as a new mug I purchased that day at the store!

At this leg of the journey, acclimating to the one-sided deafness was my main focus. The hearing ear became so super-sensitive that I could pick up tones to which only a dog could respond. Essentially, this ear was working overtime to compensate for its partner’s loss. I detected sounds that were not meant for human ears. Species of animals that came alive at dusk echoed inside my own bedroom.

At times the good ear would create phantom sounds and I would spend the entire day and night for example, insisting that one of my children was somewhere crying. This sound would reverberate inside my head and although everyone was sound asleep or we were out at night and kid-free, I still heard them crying! It also happened with car alarms, cell phones ringing, and door bells. I just heard these noises randomly all day long, like some worn out recorder.

Another obstacle about one-sided deafness is that you lose your entire ability to localize sound. What this basically means is that you can hear almost everything, yet have no idea from which direction it comes. I will give you a few examples of what this actually means.

If you are walking along side the street and a car honks at you or a person on their bicycle sneaks up behind you, you are completely defenseless and unable to react in time. There have been countless times that I had people standing inches from me on my deaf side striking up a conversation, and I would be completely unaware of their presence until tapped on the shoulder. (At this point, I would jump out of fright because I never knew for how long they had been there.) It leaves you feeling very vulnerable.

The comical part about all of this is that from an outsider’s point of view, it is like watching a Mr. Magoo cartoon with me starring as the slightly blind buffoon running all around in the wrong direction. All day long I hear, “Mommy, come, mommy, help, mommy, s/he´s hitting/biting/punching/bothering/hurting/killing me!” Most of the time, out of experience, I just nonchalantly shout out orders from wherever I am refusing to move.

On the rare occasion that it is something of importance, I have developed the useless habit of running like a crazed maniac in the polar opposite direction of where I need to be each and every time. I train my family to always identify their location by speaking clearly and making eye contact if within range. (I oftentimes need to read their lips.) Come to my house and you will think you are witnessing a military recon mission or surveillance drill where everybody is constantly updating one another via two way radio on their geographical positions. “Mommy, I am by the door, the front door, standing near your bedroom on the northeast corner…”

The most hilarious scene that takes place inside my home begins once my cell phone rings. I am notorious for losing the phone several times a day or just forgetting where I last set it down. When this happens it may as well be in another city because the chances of me finding it ALONE are slim to none. This is where the inability to localize sound is where one could really take advantage of me. When I hear it ring, and it is within reach, even in my own pocket, if I cannot see, I will NEVER find it… Any solutions???

Let the Chaos Really Begin...Part I

I am going to embark upon a mini-series here, so please bear with me as I attempt this for the very first time. This will be a short story and I will divide it up into about eight parts spread out over the next two weeks. A lot of unbelievable drama happened in my life almost four years ago and by sharing it with you, it also helps me to remember and document it.

I want to eventually impart some recent discoveries about my experiences with one-sided deafness and the many ways I’ve had to learn to adapt to this deficit. However, before arriving at that point, I first must recount how this condition came to pass which all began with the pregnancy of my fourth child. Early on in my second trimester, I received a terrifying diagnosis that eventually saved my life and that of my unborn child.

There will be parts of my story that are ironically hilarious and other times, painstakingly nerve-wracking. I will do my best to capture it all as concise as possible without omitting any vital information. So, let’s begin…

While pregnant with my four child and second son in 2006, I found myself praying to the ¨porcelain god¨ at least six times a day and a few more times throughout each night. Now, having already had three children, I was well aware that nausea and vomiting were part of my first trimester experiences, but this was utterly debilitating. I would no more than think about vomiting and two seconds later I’d be in the bathroom throwing my guts up. It got to a point where I would eat my meals and then just politely excuse myself to confront the inevitable. I would calmly and gracefully enter into the bathroom, greet the toilet, and almost as though through a magnetic attraction, I would dart toward it desperately only to make it ¨just in time.¨

Now, this is again interesting how one gets used to anything after repeated exposure as I demonstrated in my entry about the barbaric UFC matches. Children, I believe, are even more flexible. They have an innate ability to adapt to change especially when such change is presented in a very blasé, non-hysterical positive way. Well, this up-chucking ritual of mine was such a common scenario at my home that I would literally be laying on the tiled bathroom floor moaning with gut-wrenching convulsions and my kids would just walk by, see me, ask if I was almost finished, and then proceed with their requests (demands.)

I am not kidding! I would be face down on the floor, panting like an overheated canine, all broken out in a cold sweat and they would casually say, ¨Mommy, she took away my favorite Barbie and I want ice cream now, you promised! ¨ Or something like, ¨Mommy, I was running outside and scraped my knee, can you take a look at it? ¨ Incidentally, since I noticed that they weren’t so disturbed, I became nonchalant as well and would reply between stomach contractions, ¨Just gimme a sec, I am also done here, wait outside, it smells yucky.¨ In retrospect, that was insane that we were able to conduct ¨business as usual¨under such circumstances, but we did. So, what would you say was the primary developing trait here; insensitivity or adaptability?

Nonetheless, at about four and a half months of gestation, I knew that this unsettling pattern had to mitigate substantially by now and it had not. Everybody and their neighbor suggested that my hormones were super high and the baby was very healthy; so healthy that it was making me sick. In Spanish, all would say reassuringly, ¨´ta bien pegado, oye mi hijita!¨ (Translation: That baby is really clinging on to you, girl and thriving!) Desperate as I was, I bought into that theory for a while until something strange began to happen to me at night.

To Be Continued.....
Posted by Darah Zeledon: Warrior mom